On The Beatles

At E3 this year, Activision announced Beatles: Rock Band with this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rSNI3FKfpo) trailer. That (fantastic) video immediately sparked something inside me. Like all my peers, I had a small chance at Beatlemania when "1" released in 2000, but it didn't go any further than that.

It wasn't until I saw that video that I realized how epic the Beatles' legacy really is. It brought me to tears and I had no idea why. Naturally, I took the opportunity to look deeper into what made them so huge and I can honestly say it's changed my life.

The first thing I did was ask my dad if he owned any of their CDs. To my delight, he said he owned all of them as well as George, John and Paul's solo albums (sorry, Ringo..) I ripped the entire discography to my computer and listened to it in its entirety from start to finish. I couldn't believe how many great songs were packed into those disks that I had never heard of. I quickly realized that the tracks that make up "1" are among the less inspiring from their catalog. I could go on for hours about what songs I found and loved and how I feel about each one but I practically do that every day. My Beatles playlist has been running nonstop for months.

But after all that, I still wasn't satisfied. A friend was kind enough to lend me a copy of the Anthology and I watched it in a day. I spent countless hours scouring Youtube for any videos of them: be it performances, interviews or documentaries. Another friend noticed my constant stream of Beatles-inspired status updates and decided to mail me a ton of rare footage he had hiding around his house.

Now I feel I have the best grasp I can on how incredible they were. It kills me to know I'll never see them live. Even though Paul is my least favorite of the group, I feel it's imperative that I see him the next time he visits the US. He's essentially the last piece of them left. (Ringo's All Starr Band still performs but it's just not the same as hearing Paul's voice and knowing that he actually wrote the song)

When George died I didn't even care. The news went in one ear and out the other. That bothers me. And it's a shame, too, because based off all the footage I've seen, I think he and I would have gotten along really well. Here's hoping Paul and Ringo have plenty of years ahead of them.

John is a whole 'nother subject and that's where the "changed my life" part comes in. But I don't have time for it now. Sleep.

On man's best friend

My dog is a fool. She's so stupid and unusual that I seriously think she's retarded. Because of dogs' size, volume, dependence et cetera, I've always been more of a cat person. But last night I had a really odd experience with my dog that.. well I don't know what else to say about it.

I let her into the backyard around 3am and sat back at my computer. A half hour passes and I realize she never came back to be let it. I head out back to see what she's doing and I find her sitting in the middle of the lawn, staring up at the sky. She hears me and turns her head but doesn't budge from her spot. We just stare at each other, likely both wondering what the other is thinking. Then I decided to join her. I noticed her tail didn't wag when I approached her.

Once I was beside she looked back up to the sky as if I hadn't interrupted her. I looked up too and saw a clear sky. Then I felt a light breeze and noticed a low, rumbling noise from far off in the distance. The longer I sat there the more I realized how well these sensations blended together. I sat down next to her and began stroking the back of her head.

Every now and then I thought about how unusual it was for her to be acting so solemn. In a way, she reminded me of myself. People sometimes say I'm really smart but most just look at me like I'm a fool. And I don't blame them. I do act like a fool pretty often and I have no idea why. It doesn't feel natural to me and I always look back on it with disgust. I've never really been socially comfortable so I guess I just panic in a small way.

Sitting in the grass last night with my dog was the most genuine things I've done in a long time. It's the kinda thing I feel most people wouldn't enjoy, but because I do I need to embrace it for the sake of finding my self. "Finding my self" is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. More on that later.

You ever notice?

When someone that has a reputation for being nice does something mean, people will say "he's really an asshole". When someone with a reputation for being an asshole does something nice, they'll say "he's actually a nice guy" What does this say about the way people perceive others? Don't answer, I'll tell you. It says we assume that everyone is hiding their true self; that however they usually behave is an act.

For the vast majority of people this is true. They want what they don't have and want to be what they aren't. They're insecure about themselves and try to compensate for it.

I say 'they' and not 'we' because I don't categorize myself as one of these people. Sure, I get jealous of others and wish I could be things I'm not but I don't let it affect the way I live. I am me and so are you. So start acting like it

It's been a little while

I have my laptop dual-booted with OSX and Windows. I've been participating in the League of Legends closed beta for a month or so now and, as it only runs in Windows, I haven't been switching over to OSX much lately. That happens to be the only time I find myself able to write. I guess the atmosphere just feels better.

But I'm here now and you're probably wondering what's been going on in my life. What's that you say? You don't care? Neither do I. I'll tell you about a dream I had instead.

I was at a McDonald's for some reason and ordered what I thought were chicken nuggets. At some point while eating them I realized they were actually little red iPod Shuffles covered in ketchup. I'm pretty sure I ate two or three before deciding it must not be healthy. Then again, neither are the actual chicken nuggets.

I have student loan payments to make starting in 3 weeks. At the moment I don't have the money for the first payment. I need a second job.

People suck

I'm visiting my friend at 711 yesterday when some customer decides to throw a hissy fit. He had $19 worth of lottery winnings to redeem and said he wanted $5 back and to spend the rest on more tickets. My friend asked which tickets he wanted and the guy began naming off each one he wanted. The total came out to $19. When he wasn't handed a $5 bill alongside his $19 in ticket, things got fun.

My friend explains to him that he just rang him up for what he asked for but the guy won't hear it. He says it's my friend's job to keep track, that he should have said something. It might have been courteous to say something but it's definitely not his responsibility. The guy says he would have been keeping track if he had a computer (computers and cash registers are synonymous now), to which I wonder who needs a computer to count to 19 by 1s and 2s?

Well the guy starts dropping all sorts of foul words and making this convulsing clench that was supposed to let everyone know just how much rage was bottled inside him. He was about 5'9" and 155lbs. He would have gotten stomped by either me, my friend or the large man standing behind him in line if he had made any kind of move. So instead he just screamed and swore in front of young children for 5 minutes until threatening my friend and leaving.

How insecure does someone have to be to pick a fight with a 711 clerk over their own mistake?

It reminds me of a time I was at a White Hen downtown this year. A white guy comes in with missing teeth and a wifebeater and makes a beeline for the door that says "Employees only". The hispanic woman behind the counter calls out to him to stop. His face immediately gives away that he was up to something but he's feelin ballsy so he says "Oh I was just using the bathroom".

Well, friend, White Hens don't have public bathrooms. And if one of them decides to do so they're surely not going to keep it behind a door that says 'Employees only'. So the lady tells him no dice but he's relentless. "Naw, you don't understand. I really have to go. Like I REALLY have to go" He leans and twists as he says it like he's a small child.

The lady doesn't buy it though and tells him to go to the fire department around the corner, that they'll let him use their bathroom. This exchange continued for about thirty seconds until the guy decide to start calling the woman a dumb spic and all sorts of similarly witty retorts.

It really irritates me to know that no matter how dumb that slob is, he's still convinced in his mind that he's better than people that aren't white.

And now for something completely different

Let me preface this by saying I think it's a terrible thought to have and I feel guilty thinking about it. I'm not trying to devalue these circumstances. But while Philosophy classes waste time on rhetorical questions we'll never have to answer, I consider how we would deal with things that could actually happen, however unlikely.

A couple summers ago I heard of a boating accident involving a seventh grader from the next town over. The child had jumped off the back of family's speedboat without knowing the propeller was still running. Her hair became entangled and she was dragged into the blades. It was a fatal accident.

When I heard about this I pictured the scene of the accident. I imagined the transition from careless fun to pure terror. There would be a moment of confusion right in between. But somebody had to look over the back of the boat to confirm it.

I hope it wasn't one of the kids. If a parent had looked over they would have, though emotionally devastated, made sure the siblings didn't see it. Something like that could scar a kid for life. But if a child did look over first, the parent would have looked too anyway. They're not gonna take their kids' screams as confirmation of fatality. I guess I'm just saying I hope as little people as possible had to see it.

But what I always wonder when this thought crosses my mind, is what the family did at that point. When something awful happens at a kid's sporting event the child will be whisked away in an ambulance and the parent will ride along or follow. When something terrible happens in your own house you'll call 911 and all sorts of uniforms show up. If someone has died, the cops will direct you away from the body as the paramedics load it into a body bag and bring it to the ambulance.

In both of these cases there's an act of finality. The body is taken away. I don't think people appreciate that action. What would it be like if someone didn't take the body away?

That's what I think about. What if there was no one else on the lake when this accident happened. The family witnesses the tragic slaughter of one of their own and then what? Do they just drive away? Do they wait for someone to show up? Do they call 911 when they know she's clearly dead? Do they bring the body into the boat?

In moments of death our instinct is to fight for survival, be it ourselves' or others'. Rarely do people calmly assess sudden mortality. Even after all hope is lost we look for something we can do for the victim. We close their eyes, we clean them off, cover them up and lay them in a respectable position.

I just wonder what it felt like to not be able to do any of that. The circumstances of that boating accident have made me think a lot about how we react to death. I've never really experienced the death of someone close to me (I'm not close to many people) so it's something that intrigues me.

On racism in games

I've just read an article on Kotaku about the modern non-white gamer's reaction to today's videogames. However, 'read' means 'got about halfway through before my eyes hurt from rolling so much". I hate prejudice in all its forms but when people go out of their way to feel victimized I have no sympathy. There are so many double standards in racism that it makes me sick. Hence why I can never give a 'racism in games' article any serious consideration.

The Latino man from the article complained that his Xbox Live avatar didn't move like he did. "I can make him look like me, but have you noticed, when he's standing right there, the way he moves? It's ... weird," Mills said. "He puts his hand on his hip. He twirls his head." No shit, Sherlock. It's a crappy caricature of a person. Mine doesn't move like I do either. What the fuck does this have to do with your race?

Later on, a black man talks about a lack of marketing to non-whites because it's assumed that whites are where the money's at (sounds like a racist assumption to me). Then a hispanic man explains how games could be better targeted to his ethnicity: "Well, racing games," ... "We love getting into the car industry, love customizing our cars. I think the gaming industry, like [with] Midnight Club and Need for Speed, have tapped into something. I just wish they would take it a bit further."

Now hold on one second. Did he just claim that a race of people share a common characteristic? Hispanics like customizing their cars? Why are throngs of hispanics not frothing at the mouth over this comment. I wonder what would happen of a non-hispanic said something like that.

Now I'm thinking back to when some woman claimed Castle Crashers was racist because the red, blue, green and orange characters hit the black, brown and white characters. Yes, you heard me correctly, folks. When colored characters beat white characters it's racist against blacks.

It doesn't just happen on the fringe of the industry though. (Formerly, I believe) Newsweek's own, N'gai Croal, claimed that it was clear that no black people worked on Resident Evil 5. This comment has two layers of insanity to it. One at a time, here we go.

The first 12 Resident Evil games had you killing whites, a mix of races that was mostly white and eventually there were Spaniards. None of this was racist. But set the latest installment in Africa and suddenly Capcom is a racist company. Secondly, who the fuck does he think he is claiming no black people worked on Resident Evil 5? How would he like it if I said "Clearly, no black people worked on Jeopardy: the game".

You can't have racism both ways, folks. It can't only be an issue when it's convenient for you. Grow up and stop making things worse for everyone. With attitudes like these you're only going to turn more people prejudice

http://kotaku.com/5358562/minority-report-the-non+white-gamers-experience