On The Beatles

At E3 this year, Activision announced Beatles: Rock Band with this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rSNI3FKfpo) trailer. That (fantastic) video immediately sparked something inside me. Like all my peers, I had a small chance at Beatlemania when "1" released in 2000, but it didn't go any further than that.

It wasn't until I saw that video that I realized how epic the Beatles' legacy really is. It brought me to tears and I had no idea why. Naturally, I took the opportunity to look deeper into what made them so huge and I can honestly say it's changed my life.

The first thing I did was ask my dad if he owned any of their CDs. To my delight, he said he owned all of them as well as George, John and Paul's solo albums (sorry, Ringo..) I ripped the entire discography to my computer and listened to it in its entirety from start to finish. I couldn't believe how many great songs were packed into those disks that I had never heard of. I quickly realized that the tracks that make up "1" are among the less inspiring from their catalog. I could go on for hours about what songs I found and loved and how I feel about each one but I practically do that every day. My Beatles playlist has been running nonstop for months.

But after all that, I still wasn't satisfied. A friend was kind enough to lend me a copy of the Anthology and I watched it in a day. I spent countless hours scouring Youtube for any videos of them: be it performances, interviews or documentaries. Another friend noticed my constant stream of Beatles-inspired status updates and decided to mail me a ton of rare footage he had hiding around his house.

Now I feel I have the best grasp I can on how incredible they were. It kills me to know I'll never see them live. Even though Paul is my least favorite of the group, I feel it's imperative that I see him the next time he visits the US. He's essentially the last piece of them left. (Ringo's All Starr Band still performs but it's just not the same as hearing Paul's voice and knowing that he actually wrote the song)

When George died I didn't even care. The news went in one ear and out the other. That bothers me. And it's a shame, too, because based off all the footage I've seen, I think he and I would have gotten along really well. Here's hoping Paul and Ringo have plenty of years ahead of them.

John is a whole 'nother subject and that's where the "changed my life" part comes in. But I don't have time for it now. Sleep.

On man's best friend

My dog is a fool. She's so stupid and unusual that I seriously think she's retarded. Because of dogs' size, volume, dependence et cetera, I've always been more of a cat person. But last night I had a really odd experience with my dog that.. well I don't know what else to say about it.

I let her into the backyard around 3am and sat back at my computer. A half hour passes and I realize she never came back to be let it. I head out back to see what she's doing and I find her sitting in the middle of the lawn, staring up at the sky. She hears me and turns her head but doesn't budge from her spot. We just stare at each other, likely both wondering what the other is thinking. Then I decided to join her. I noticed her tail didn't wag when I approached her.

Once I was beside she looked back up to the sky as if I hadn't interrupted her. I looked up too and saw a clear sky. Then I felt a light breeze and noticed a low, rumbling noise from far off in the distance. The longer I sat there the more I realized how well these sensations blended together. I sat down next to her and began stroking the back of her head.

Every now and then I thought about how unusual it was for her to be acting so solemn. In a way, she reminded me of myself. People sometimes say I'm really smart but most just look at me like I'm a fool. And I don't blame them. I do act like a fool pretty often and I have no idea why. It doesn't feel natural to me and I always look back on it with disgust. I've never really been socially comfortable so I guess I just panic in a small way.

Sitting in the grass last night with my dog was the most genuine things I've done in a long time. It's the kinda thing I feel most people wouldn't enjoy, but because I do I need to embrace it for the sake of finding my self. "Finding my self" is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. More on that later.

You ever notice?

When someone that has a reputation for being nice does something mean, people will say "he's really an asshole". When someone with a reputation for being an asshole does something nice, they'll say "he's actually a nice guy" What does this say about the way people perceive others? Don't answer, I'll tell you. It says we assume that everyone is hiding their true self; that however they usually behave is an act.

For the vast majority of people this is true. They want what they don't have and want to be what they aren't. They're insecure about themselves and try to compensate for it.

I say 'they' and not 'we' because I don't categorize myself as one of these people. Sure, I get jealous of others and wish I could be things I'm not but I don't let it affect the way I live. I am me and so are you. So start acting like it